Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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