is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
