i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
