He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
