I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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