We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
