Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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