she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
