I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
