OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
