Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
