I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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