it's like iHOP with fire
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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