I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
