Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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