I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm always down for nudity.
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