I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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