Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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