The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
