Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
