Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Gay?
German.
Pity.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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