He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
