i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
