i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
