I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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