he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
