There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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