This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
