You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
