the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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