i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
