I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
