I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
