they need to just BURY HIM!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
