whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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