I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
