hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize