yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
