there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
