How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They took my balls.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
