Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
