Your mouth is God's brothel.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
