Got a toothbrush?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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