I faked an abortion last night.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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