You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
