Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
