I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
