"it" just moved
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
