Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we made out on top of his cat.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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