Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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